Have you tasted the flavor of fall recently? Of course I am talking about pumpkin. Ice cream, Pies, rolls, cookies, and best of all beer.
About 10 years ago I was introduced to the seasonal pumpkin ale brewed at BJ's. For those unfamiliar, BJ's Restaurant and Brewhouse is a unique chain restaurant with an amazing menu of bar food and micro brewed beers. One taste of their pumpkin ale and I was hooked for life.
I have spent the 9 years since trying to connect with another BJ's pumpkin ale. But it seems I'm never near one at the right time of year.
Last year I decided there must be an alternative. I found Blue Moon Pumpkin Wheat. On the surface it sounded like my search may have ended. After all, BJ's was a pumpkin wheat as well. And with my completely underdeveloped beer pallet, I probably wouldn't know the difference. I just needed it to be liquid and taste slightly like a pumpkin pie. But believe it or not, I was completely disappointed. Even my taste buds, which have a hard time deciphering Ripple from Bogle Merlot (family connection there - but for another time), could tell the difference between BJ's and Blue Moon... and I didn't like it.
I continued searching all of last fall and then again this year. I tried every pumpkin beer / ale I could find but nothing was right... that is until I hit on Leinenkugle Harvest Patch Shanty.
This was it! It was fresh, light and tasted just like a pumpkin pie. And best of all, I could buy it at Walmart. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus 😁
Throughout the pandemic we have been buying our groceries via Walmart curbside pickup. It is so convenient. We start our order on Saturday and add to it all week long. If we get low on salt on Wednesday we just add it to the order. It has really been a valuable tool to allow us to shop with zero personal contact.
So I placed a 6 pack on the next grocery order and waited anxiously for our Friday pickup time. All week I contemplated the bliss of a pumpkin ale with a burger, or with chile on a cool evening by a campfire.
But when Friday came around we received the message that my dreamed of ale was out of stock. Oh man was I ever disappointed. So I immediately started the order for the next Friday and this time placed 2 six packs on it. I figured this stuff must be popular for them to be sold out, so I needed to be more aggressive with my purchase strategy.
I should note here that the way the Walmart curbside app works is that you select your store, and then you can only see what is in stock at that store. In my case the app let me add 2 six packs to my order so they must have them
But the following Friday... you guessed it. My ale was out of stock again. I went into the app to try to order for the following week and the app confirmed they had none. Oh what to do now.
I could go on and on about this. I ordered when they had it in stock, but they were out by Friday. Of course I tried different pick up days thinking perhaps Fridays were bad. But nothing helped.
I called other grocers and even convenience stores. It seems no one had this brew. Then, one Thursday I happened to check at Walmart and it showed they had it. I slipped 4 six packs into my cart and scheduled pickup for 7 am the next morning. Surely they could not sell it overnight since they closed at 10pm and I would be there when they reopen at 7am.
The next morning I checked the order and it showed all 4 six packs had been shopped and were waiting for me. Upon arrival at Walmart I watched as they brought our order and could clearly see the tops of those beautiful bottles in our basket. I continued to watch as they were placed into the back of our car by the friendly Walmart associate. My ale deprivation was about to be over!
It was a nice morning and the car needed washing so we stopped at a self wash on the way home. I couldn't resist opening the tailgate to gaze at those beautiful bottles. There they stood, lined up like little soldiers. Their bright orange caps and smart harvesty labels... wait, what is this??? They had black caps and snowflakes on the labels. Upon closer inspection I realized they had given me something called Snowdrift Vanilla Porter. OMG!
We returned to Walmart and tried to exchange them but guess what. My Leinenkugle was out of stock!
This story continues along these same lines for the next few weeks. I would order and they would be out of stock. It seemed I was never to have another pumpkin ale.
I was becoming desperate. My search for pumpkin ale transformed into a search for pumpkin, anything pumpkin. I started looking for pumpkin latte. Nada. Pumpkin ice cream. Nope. Pumpkin doughnuts. Not happening. It's 2 weeks before Thanksgiving, the biggest holiday on the planet for EATING pumpkin, but there was none anywhere.
Never being one to give up, I turned to a Google search. Someplace there had to be something to scratch my severe pumpkin itch. Google didn't let me down. There it was, standing at the top of the search results. The drug for my addiction. It was, of all places at Dairy Queen... and there was a DQ just a few miles from me.
I literally ran to the car. It was like heading to that first date with the person you knew you would love forever (a little Cindy reference there).
We drove the 7.4 miles to the closest store. It seemed like 100. I questioned why there were so many people on the streets today. This is a pandemic for goodness sakes. They should all be home.
Finally we arrived and I pulled up to the metal box where a crackling voice asked what I would like to order.
Without hesitation I said " a large pumpkin pie blizzard please". "Ok" was the reply, " anything else? " Oh yes I thought, in my excitement I forgot Cindy was sitting next to me. "What would you like honey?". She ordered a small Reeses blizzard which I telegraphed to the clerk. " Ok" he said, "that's a large pumpkin pie blizzard and a small Reeses blizzard, right?" "Yes" I quickly replied, anxious to get to the window.
Just as I started to pull forward, the world came to an end. I didn't need TV news or a covert investigation to realize what was happening. The world was conspiring against me. Every seller of beer or ice cream or doughnuts or coffee was making sure there would be no pumpkin for me.
The metal box sprang to life and an apologetic voice caught me by surprise. "I'm sorry sir but we are all out of the fixings for pumpkin blizzards"
I was shocked. For once in my life I was at a loss for words. The clerk asked if I wanted something different. Obviously he had no clue. He was a mere pawn in this ugly conspiracy. Had he known and understood the gravity of the situation he would have certainly offered to bake a pie in order to have the ingredients to make just one more blizzard. He was naive and simply trying to do his job. But again, I was deprived of my pumpkin.
I have to tell you my spirit has been broken. Between the pandemic and the election, I was already weakened. But the pumpkin ale fail took me over the edge. I have officially given up for this year. In other times I might have been strong enough to survive, but not 2020. Perhaps next year?
By the way, this tongue in cheek writing is in no way intended to lessen the seriousness of the state of our nation. Please accept it as simply a light distraction from the real world.
Wear a mask!
Thanks for reading.
_______________________________________
Cindy and Terry
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